I hear conversations and think I want to be a part of them.
But I don’t really.
I read articles and imagine what certain successes would look like and then I realize that’s not where I am right now. My inbox is full of things that just don’t matter to me anymore. I’m part of FB Groups where I have nothing to contribute to the conversation…not because the conversations aren’t important but because they aren’t important to me.
I’m in a state of flux, of change. I’m reevaluating everything and I don’t recognize myself right now.
I’ve been in the blogging/social media world for 10 years. I started writing my blog as a digital scrapbook for my kids, then I expanded, joined Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram. I wanted to grow my pageviews, become “known” in some sort of way, in some sort of circle. I was home with my kids and the digital word was where I thrived, where I felt most comfortable.
Two years ago, I went back to work. It was part-time, from home. I was still trying to keep up with my blog and all my social sites. I realized that my kids would need more privacy so I decided to focus more on me, therefore creating this site. I spent time, energy and money trying to create a movement.
And then…in the midst of a movement, things started to shift.
I’m still working from home, only now it’s a full 40 hours a week. When I’m not working, I’m volunteering at school, helping our PE Coach and assisting with our new theater club. I’m on a quest to be healthier, working out several times a week and trying to figure out which foods are best for my 40 year old metabolism. I’m hanging out with my kids and my husband.
I’m not blogging. I’m not trying to build anything. I’m posting on Instagram to stay relevant, but my heart just isn’t in it. The things that I wanted a few years ago aren’t the things I want now.
I am 100% perfectly content with where I am right now, but I’m struggling to let go of my past wants, hopes and dream. I’m trying to reconcile the past and the present. It’s like a piece of me is missing, but it’s really not, I’m just moving in a new direction.
What I have to remember is that I’ve done this before. I went from being a full-time marketing manager, working 40+ hours a week, traveling for trade shows to being a freelance stay-at-home mom. It was a new world and I had to adapt and then accept my new reality.
I love writing. I will always write. And it’s not like I have plans to leave the digital space so to speak, since I currently work in it. But my digital reality has shifted.
I guess right now I don’t have as much to say, I have more to do.